mile marker: 26 weeks

Sorry for the delays in posting. Usually I post in the evenings when all my guests have gone, but the past few nights I've had overnight guests. So we have some catching up to do.

Friday morning marked my 26 week, which is great because each week in the books means more development and hopefully less potential problems after birth. We also had our scheduled ultrasound. It had been 17 days since they last measured Avery's growth progress, so we knew going in that Friday they would be doing this. I was extremely anxious but very optimistic especially with news the previous week that she was getting some diastolic flow.  The ultrasound tech did all her measurements and told us that Avery scored an 8 out of 8 on her biophysical profile. She should use of muscle tone, had good heart rate, there is still amniotic fluid and she even practiced breathing.  Of course the tech was only reiterating what we already knew, our baby girl is perfect :)

The perinatologist came to speak with us afterwards and the news was not what we were hoping for. Avery has not grown at all in the past 17 days.  Again we were faced with a lot of tough conversations about balancing potential risks with benefits of having her stay in the uterus.  It is completely a grey area and he said that if I was further along, he would have delivered her right then and there. It was a harsh reality that we are now literally buying as much time as we can hoping to allow her to develop as much as possible before delivering. They have increased my monitoring to 3x's a day for an hour, but even these run long. Last night I was on the monitor for nearly 5 hours because they were seeing some abnormalities that they wanted to track closely. Then I was hooked up again promptly at 6 am for another 3.5 hours. The monitoring is stressful because I know that at anytime if things take a turn for the worse, the plan is to do an emergency c-section. They have also cut me off from food and water the night before my ultrasounds so I am prepared to go in to a c-section should they see anything that makes them think "now is the time." The doctors and nurses have all made it clear that this is a very grey area type of situation and unfortunately there is no knowing what is best for her. Never in my life have I so badly wished I could just have a clear cut answer. The doctors are allowing us to be part of the planning, but I'm afraid I'm going to make a wrong or selfish decision with fatal consequences. Somehow I think after all of this is said and done, nothing in parenting will seem even nearly as difficult as this.

Luckily for me I have also had some great company to keep my mind off of things as much as possible. I had my first overnight guest on Thursday. My friend Mary drove over from Missoula to spend the day with me. She came stocked with lots of magazines, snacks and Bridesmaids. And my 6' tall friend spent the night on my 5'8" guest couch in my room even after hearing that the nurses are now required to monitor my vitals throughout the night. Thanks Mary! Having you there helped me keep my mind off the next day's u/s.

Bill has also spent a great deal of time down here since Friday. He has made me laugh more than ever. Yesterday he took me outside for one of my wheelchair rides and proceeded to push me up a giant hill in 90 degree weather. I don't know what he was thinking. We have played cards, started to learn how to crochet (don't tell his friends), watched lots of football and done lots of talking. He has become my person nursing assistant often spending an hour sitting awkwardly holding the monitor in place when Avery isn't cooperating.

Thank you again to everyone who has come to visit, call, email,

send me funny videos, and daily pictures from their trips to Hawaii (hope you're having fun P!) The one thing that is very black and white in a very grey area time is that I have the most wonderful family and friends!

Slumber party!

Bill patiently holding the monitor in place.