today i cried.

Today I dressed Avery in our favorite onsie. It is a onsie she has worn since Thanksgiving weekend and when I put it on her today it was clear that this may be one of the last times she wears it. My baby is growing out of her clothes. I looked back at pictures from the first time she wore the onsie and shed a few tears on how far she's come.

avery's room

So it is finally 'nearly' finished. I say nearly because there is still one project that I am debating doing for a wall that currently only houses her dirty laundry hamper. But it'll take me some time if I do decide to do it and if I don't, well then the room is done!
I have loved putting her room together. It was the one  thing in the pregnancy that I didn't have to give up on.. Well besides Avery of course! Once I felt confident and ready to start working on it, I poured my heart in to every detail. This room was truly put together with so much love. I hope as Avery grows she appreciates it for everything that to me it stands for. This is her space, in our home and the thing that completes it more than anything is having her in it.
So I took a bunch of pictures and will just post away, so please forgive any duplicates; I'm a wee bit sleep deprived.

The unfinished wall. 

I love love love this dresser! Homemade changing pad cover by moi.

Oh hello beautiful chandelier (mentioned in earlier post)! This was made by Mary and obviously took HOURS 

Its like a waterfall.

The 'a' plaque made w/ love by auntie jill. 

Ariel view. 

Bedding all made by me. 

I love the book nook. Now we just need more books to fill the nooks. 

dear anonymous

AnonymousJan 19, 2012 10:18 AM

I have to say, you are truly an inspiration. I stumbled on your blog by accident and I love following it. Keep it up and FANTASTIC job on your cute little daughter. What a trooper, she's come a long way.

 Thank you for your kind words. Initially I started this blog to keep family and friends up to date on what was going on to avoid numerous phone calls and texts during a very emotionally trying time in my life. And soon I found that blogging is one of the most therapeutic things I have ever done. I have been told by friends and family that they know a person who knows a person who knows a person who reads the blog. While that was never my intention, I must admit it feels good to know that I am sharing our story with others and hopefully inspiring others through the strength Avery has shown us all.
So thank you to EVERYONE who reads the blog. I know my friend Mary said one of her co workers is a faithful follower-thank you. And my friend Joanna shared the blog and Avery with her elementary school class-how fun! People from all walks of my life, strangers, who ever you are.
So to everyone who reads if you ever feel inclined to leave comments, maybe words of courage or love for Avery, I promise to share them all with her. Anyone can comment and can even do so anonymously. I know someday Avery will love to see how awesome it is that her story is documented for others to share.

hip hop baby.

She got them ruffle butt pants

Boots with the fur

The whole room was looking at her

She hit the floor

Next thing we know
Baby just grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow

I feel like I've been neglecting our blog and my faithful followers! Sorry. We've been busy with eating, sleeping, and growing over here at the Eller house. And visitors too! Last weekend my dear friend Mary was in town to meet Avery and give mommy a little social relief. She brought gifts including the adorable ugly doll in the above picture and an AMAZING homemade chandelier that will be featured in the upcoming post of Avery's 'nearly' completed nursery (hopefully sometime early this coming week).

On Thursday my parents braved the biggest snow storm we've had all year and drove over from MT. Nothing was going to keep them from holding their grand daughter any longer. They visited a number of times while she was in the NICU but with a hands free visiting policy this was the first time in her 16 weeks of existence that they could hold her. (BTW *yikes* that I have a 16 week old baby already!) They have spent the weekend loving and holding her. Clearly as you'll see in the picture below, my dad and Avery have a lot in common and will get along just fine. 

Other than that we've just been hanging out. Avery is growing like a weed. Especially her hair and eyelashes.  She is becoming such a good eater and no longer takes an hour + to finish a less than 2 ounce bottle! She is such a good baby. We did go to the hospital last week for blood work and while everything is looking 'good' she has to continue all her meds including the yucky, icky, horrible sodium she takes. She hates it. We'll just keep tracking it and hope that sooner or later her alch phos levels go down and we can eliminate some of the extras she gets on a daily basis. 
Bill went back to work last week and made it through 3 days before the weather interrupted their progress. Having him gone makes me appreciate even more how much help he is when he is around. I look forward to the weekends for a whole new reason now!
I promise to be better about posting. I am really excited about sharing pictures of her nursery so hopefully I'll finish up some small projects and can get some pictures hung and then take pictures. Keep an eye out!

happy baby.

No caption necessary :) 

you know you're a preemie mom when...

You get emotionally attached to your rental pump.  Yep that right. Today I had to return the breast pump I had been renting for the past few months and I got oddly emotional about taking it back. That pump and I have spent a lot of time together. We have successfully been able to produce enough milk to feed and grow Avery for the first 3+ months of her life AND create a huge stockpile. So when I packed the little lady up and got a little teary eyed, really it wasn't that surprising to me (well that and the fact that I get emotional over everything these days).
So thank you my dear Medela Symphony rental pump. I'll never forget the times we spent together. Hopefully my fancy new Medela Pump In Style Advanced will fill your shoes adequately.

Its been quite the journey, hasn't it? 

You weren't exactly a petite lil' thing. 

Together we've grown this! Thanks for your assistance. 

paying it forward.

I've had a few life altering moments in the past few years that I would have thought would have made me step up. Really live life to the fullest. Not take a single day for granted.
First off there was that day when Bill, his dad, grandma and I were flying over the fireworks on Coeur d'Alene Lake when we lost power in the plane. In an instant I thought we would die, until I realized that instead of my life flashing before my eyes, all the things I had not yet done flashed before me. The wedding we were going to have. Our kids. Retirement. The instant faded and by the grace of God we landed safely on I-90 in a stretch that could have only been cleared by someone who has a little pull from above. My father in law instantly became my hero. I instantly became a wreck. I thought in that moment "I will never take another day for granted." I did.
And then there was that time back in March, when we were in Maui on our honeymoon. We went to bed that night watching the devastating coverage of the tsunami in Japan. We watched as the ticker across the bottom of the screen suggested evacuation from the Hawaiian islands and Bill asked if we should go ask the front desk if we were ok in our ground floor, ocean side bungalow. I told him they would let us know if we weren't ok. In the middle of the night the fierce, loud knock on our door let us know. We needed to evacuate immediately. A tsunami was coming. The images from the TV screen were still fresh in my head and I was sick to my stomach. I threw a few thing in to a bag; our coats, toothbrushes, and a few bottle of water and off we marched up a hill to "safety." It turned out when it was all was said and done that the aftermath that hit Maui was insignificant compared to what they expected. It could have been worse. I told myself I would never take another day for granted. I have.
When the doctors told us at our 22 week ultrasound that there was a significant chance that Avery would not make it, that she would be stillborn, I couldn't believe it. I remember very little from the conversation with the perinatologist from that day but I do remember having only one question after he said his part-was there ANY chance our baby would survive? Hadn't we had enough chance encounters in our life and walked away ok? What were the chances that for a 3rd time we would be lucky enough to have everything work out in our favor.  I let my mind wander to places that I am embarrassed and ashamed to even admit. Can't admit. But I did know one thing. That if we were lucky enough to come out of this with a health baby I would NOT take another day for granted.
So here we are today. At home with Avery. Living the daily life. And I am still reminded of how much people have given to us over the past 3+ months.  This time has been blessed not just by the birth and health of our baby but by the people-friends, family, strangers-who have touched our lives. We have been given both tangible and intangible things. I wish I could thank each and every person individually who has prayed, sent their love, given our family gifts, donated their time, etc. but since there are more people than I will ever know one thing I can do is pay this kindness forward. This is my mission. This is how I will live to not take any day for granted.  I promise to do for others what they have so selflessly done for us.
So while Bill and I have been through some interesting times and experiences, I hope that I have personally found something from it all that I can share with others.

blogging with mommy

is it ok to wear bear with zebra?

ahh :) 

my newest niece-Avery's cousin-Drew Kelin. Born today. Congrats to my sister 's family: Jill, Travis, Lia and Drew ;)