busy day.

Well maybe it just felt busier because we were up until almost 5 am. Silly girl just loves being awake all night.
We had Avery's one week weight check today. She is up to 6 lbs 11 ounces. That means she's put on 9 ounces since she's come home! Ya us. We CAN do this :) Because she is doing so well they won't have us come back for another weight check until her 4 month check up in February (mostly to help us avoid their office during the sick season). 
She also had her follow up at the children's eye doctor to check the progress on her maturity of her eyes. Good news, they are fully mature! That means no scary Retinopathy of Prematurity for us.  She still needs to go in for annual eye exams because she is still at increased risk of having issues related to her prematurity. Well and let's not forget her not so awesome eye genetics from her mother....
Even staying up all night we are LOVING having her home. The routine she was on in the NICU went out the door apparently.  So much for 3 months of work :) She loves music. And lounging in her boppy bed pillow. And being cute. 
Our next outing isn't scheduled until next week when we return to where it all began. Avery has to go get blood work done at Deaconess. I'm hoping to find time to put together a nice goodie thank you basket to take to the NICU. A goodie basket and card seems like an insignificant way to say thank you for saving our daughter's life, but I want them to know just how grateful we are. So if not at this next visit, I will get one put together!

oooh, hello

I love mirrors. 

Helping mommy cook dinner

visitors.

I've had a lot of people ask me about visiting Avery. For those who don't know we are more or less on house arrest, per the advice of the NICU staff and our peditrician, but with good reason. Since Avery was born so early her immune systems wasn't fully developed. She is extra susceptible to catching something and the likelihood that it would land her back in the hospital are high.  So with that being said, we are extra cautious during cold and flu season--which just happens to be right when she was discharged.
You have no idea how hard it has been to not introduce our little lady to everyone! When she was in the NICU her visitors were limited to only grandparents and aunts and uncles.  So only a handful of people have had the chance to meet her and we of course want everyone to cause she is just the cutest, sweetest thing ever. 
If you'd like to come visit we just ask that you please consider the following things:
-PLEASE do not come over if you are sick, have recently been sick, or were around someone who was sick. Just give it some time.
-We ask that only adults come for visits at this point. Someday she'll get to hang out with all her friends but for now we ask no kids since they are exposed to so many things at school, daycare, etc and may not know they are sick.
-Don't be offended if we ask you to wash your hands and then offer your hand sanitizer. Possibly even on more than one occasion. It has become second nature to us at this point, but we realize it isn't to everyone. It isn't that we think you're dirty :)
-Just let us know you're coming. Mostly this is so mommy can try and get out of pjs at a decent time of day :)
These requests may seem a little selfish, but we have to be a little selfish to make sure Avery stays healthy and home.  After all we've been through we have no desire to end up back at the hospital except for appts and visits.
We'd love to see everyone so just let us know if you'd like to stop by.  Who could resist this adorable face..

 

faces.

It is amazing how the way you see yourself when you look in the mirror changes after having a baby. I came to this realization last night when I was getting ready for bed. I looked in the mirror and noticed it was no longer just me looking back. It was my daughter too. My eyes are her eyes. My nose is her nose. My lips are her lips.  I now share my features with another human being and it is the most amazing thing ever.  I no longer notice all the imperfections I used to dwell on. I see Avery in me and me in Avery.
I remember when all the doctor and nurses started commenting on how much she looked like me. It started a couple weeks before she came home.  As her features started to develop and fill out I also started to notice her looking more and more like me. Everytime someone would point it out my heart would melt.
Don't get me wrong. She also looks a lot like her daddy.  She still has his chin. His smile lines. I love that 2 people who love each other so much made something so perfect out of the 2 of them. 

3 month pictures

A little late with this post, but with all the hustle and bustle I forgot to put them up.

We had our 1st pediatrics appt today and Avery is doing great According to their measurements she put on 3.5 ounces in on day! She loves home.

One day

One month

Two months

Three months

we made it!

Happy 2012 everyone!
Wow, what a year 2011 was  for the Eller family. I have never taken the time to truly reflect on a year in whole as much as I have as this year came to an end. And I can honestly say I have never been so excited to start off a new year. For those who may not have heard, Avery came home today! I still can't believe it. Blogging is SO much cooler when I can just look down and stare at her. She's so incredibly stareable. It was a completely surreal moment when the doctor came in and told us she had signed the discharge orders. We have waited for those words for 95 long days.  We had an inkling that it may happen today, but had also been told in the past we were close only to see the day come and pass.  The overwhelming amount of emotions I have built up leading to this moment are overwhelming me. Several times today I have looked at Avery, in our house, sans monitors and broke down in to tears. Out of joy. No more tears of frustration, anxiety, and guilt. Pure tears of joy! Our family is whole.
The whole process started yesterday afternoon when we were able to room in at the hospital. We spent most of the afternoon and all night completely responsible for Avery. No nurses in the room (although still available to assist if necessary). No monitors. No other babies. Avery thrived in the environment. She was so calm, ate her feeds like a champ, and missed the part where we told her it was a slumber party. She must have heard party and boy did she turn in on all night long. :)
When they weighed her last night and she gained weight we knew there was a pretty good chance they'd let her come home today.  Sure enough they did!
 I feel pretty good about my first day as a full time mom at home. I got maybe 2 hours of sleep last night while rooming in but somehow managed today to bring a baby home, make lunch and dinner, do a load of laundry and go to the store. Oh and make sure she is taken care of too And I have loved every second of it!
This whole blog was based on this exact moment. I knew this experience would be like a long road trip, in the backseat, of a compact car, with 2 other people and you're sitting in the middle.  Yep, it was pretty much exactly like that. So I'm happy to say that we no longer have to wait, because we have reached our destination and now the real vacation begins!

I was so excited this was the only picture I got of us leaving the hospital! 

Yep, I sat in the backseat. I still check to make sure she's breathing every 3 seconds :)

Hmm, I wonder how this relationship will go over

So cute!!! 

i've got the due date blues...

Tomorrow is a day I have been dreading…my due date. I don’t know that I can fully explain why I have been dreading it. Maybe because I had hoped Avery would be home by now. Maybe because it is a reminder that in a perfect world I would be unpleasantly plump right now willing her to come any day…any time.  Very different from three month ago when I was willing her to stay in, hold on a little longer, and not let the perfect moment for her arrival slip by without us knowing. 

I have looked forward to being a mom and being pregnant since I was little. I have watched my sisters,  friends and strangers grow and have full term babies. I have watched them swell, have sleepless nights, watch their bellies move with the baby, cringe at the stretch marks. I couldn’t wait for my turn for all of that. I didn’t get any of it.

I have had people tell me that I am ‘lucky’ to have avoided the 3 trimester and all that comes with it. I think if they walked even one day, one hour in my shoes over the past 3 months they wouldn’t think I am so lucky after all. It is unnatural as a mother to watch your baby suffer through the things Avery has been through. While she should have comfortably be cooking away inside, I watched her struggle to breath, get poked and prodded, hooked up to medical devices. She has spent her last 3 months of growing in an institution being closely monitored instead of being safely tucked away inside. There is nothing lucky about that.

The closer my due dates gets the more I find myself longing and wishing to know what it is like to be pregnant. Wondering if I will ever have a chance to know. Was Avery’s situation a fluke? Or am I destined to always have high risk pregnancies that end early? I will never know what it is like to go in to labor. I will always have a planned c-section with any future pregnancies I have.

I am so thankful that everything has worked out the way it did given the circumstances but given the choice I don’t think Bill, Avery or I would ever have picked to forgo the 3^rd trimester. We have the most perfect, wonderful, amazing, strong daughter out of all of this, but the road has been tough for all of us.  Not a day goes by that I don’t feel a little bit guilty for the way things turned out—I think any mom would. 

I know I will make it through tomorrow. I strongly believe that after tomorrow passes I can put to rest some of the thoughts and feelings I have struggled with over the past 3 months. In a different, unconventional kind of way, I still have a full term baby.  We will still, hopefully, park our car outside the Women’s Center and pack up our little wonder to bring her home and make all the adjustments to having a newborn.  

In the meantime here are some pictures of Avery as she quickly approaches full term due date status. It is a big deal around the NICU. Especially for her. Hopefully someday soon, very soon, we'll be bringing her home...

Big yawns

Hanging w/ my ma. She really needs to get her hair did!

Chunk-a-munk

6 lbs! I'm huge. 

I LOVE bath time. 

Hi daddy. I'm being VERY serious about this bath stuff. 

It can't be over yet! 

Having a stare down with my mommy. 

my face is free!

Am I not just the cutest baby ever without all that silly stuff on my face. No more cannula. No more NG tube. No more sticky dots. No more duraderm.  Just a face full of cuteness.

As long as I keep eating my feeds from the bottle and keeping my O2 saturation up, my face will stay this way all the home.
I am also almost 6 pounds. Yep you read it right. 6 pounds! I'm still pretty tiny as you can tell in the above picture with my head in my daddy's hand, but I'm a growing girl. I have even out grown some of my clothes!
Hopefully soon I'll be home relaxing with my mommy and daddy. I'm working SO hard on my feeds and today I rocked it out!!